Father, I don’t want to die.  I want to live.  I want to live under your wide sky and feel the breeze on my face and walk along the roads.  I want to eat bread and olives and drink wine with my family and my friends.  I want to feel the tiredness in my legs after a day of walking to the next village to tell them about you.  I love my friends’ faces and the pleasure of sitting with them after the work of the day.  I want to feel your spirit inside me, telling me what to say to the crowds.  I love to feel your power working through me to heal the sick and destroy the demons.  I love being alone with you in quiet places, resting in you without speaking, when I can get away.  Please, I don’t want to die.  I don’t want to go down into the pit.  And I’m afraid of the dying itself.  I can see how they look at me, with murder in their eyes.  Whenever people have threatened me before, you have let me know what to do, how to get away.  Now I have come to Jerusalem at your command, and they surround me like jackals.  I have appealed to you, but you are silent.  There will be no escape.  Will they stone me?  That’s the most likely.  Or send an assassin to strike suddenly with a knife—no, that’s not like them.  They might even turn me over to the Romans as a troublemaker.  I hope not.  I’ve seen a man crucified once; I remember hearing the nails driven through the bone.  Let it not be that!  Please, Father, let me live a longer time on this good earth.

And yet….  And yet, all our lives are in your hands.  If it is your will that I must die, then so be it.  I willingly give up all the good things of earth.  I hand over my life to you.  May it be an acceptable offering in your eyes.  Amen.

— Simon, John, James!  Are you asleep?  Could you not stay awake for one hour to keep me company in my distress?  Wake up, and pray with me.

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Father, I don’t want to die yet.  What will happen to them if I am no longer here?  They are so weak and understand so little.  I haven’t had any chance to prepare for this moment.  Please give me a while longer to prepare them, to help them to grow into what they will have to do!  They will be scattered like sheep when the shepherd is killed.  What will happen to my work?  Please, Father, I have only begun to do your work.  I thought there would be years to do it.  There are so many villages, so many people.  There is so much misunderstanding and confusion.  And the people hear such nonsense from every side.  Please, please, give me time to complete my work for you.  At least let me get it further along than it is now.  Or let me prepare my followers, so that they can carry it on after I’m gone.

And yet….  And yet, our time is in your hands.  If it is your will that the time must be now, then let it be done according to your will.  Please take care of my disciples.  They love me and they love you, but they are so weak and foolish, and they don’t understand.  Please protect and guide them.  Amen.

— Asleep again!  Wake up!  Wake up!  This is a time for prayer, not for sleep.  Hard times are coming!  Pray that they will not be too hard for you and that you will have the strength to withstand them.  You must pray as if your lives depended on it.

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Father, I don’t want you to reject me.  Please don’t throw away my service and cast me off as a failure.  You know that I have always tried to do your will.  Look into my heart.  Was there any time when I heard your command and failed to respond?  If I have failed, if I haven’t accomplished enough, please let me know how to do better.  If you want me to do more, let me know what.  Tell me how, and I will do it.  If I have misunderstood your will, help me to understand.  If I have made mistakes, show me how to correct them.  I can’t stand the feeling that you are rejecting the work of my whole life, that it will all be for nothing, as if I had never lived, that everything will go on as before while I go down to Sheol.  Father, please, please don’t reject my service.  Please don’t reject me and throw me out as a failed and worthless servant.

And yet….  And yet, is the disciple greater than his master?  You cut off John, who was a great prophet and your devoted servant.  If you did not find John’s service worthy of extending his life, then how could you have any use for me, his disciple?  Father, if it is your will to cut me off, then let it be done to me according to your will.  If I cannot offer you my success, I offer you my failure.  Please accept this offering, which is all that I can give.  For your name’s sake, please accept my offering and raise up in my place a great prophet.  Through my sacrifice, may he bring your word of life to the whole earth.  Amen.

— Simon, James, John, still sleeping?  Get up now.  It’s time to go.  Everything is in God’s hands.  Whatever happens, it will be all right.