This short story is based on Matt 4:1-11. I have never believed that Gospel stories require retelling in order to provide plausible “natural explanations” for the events they recount. However, a Gospel story may serve as the inspiration for a mediation, which is what this is.
It was the bleakest and most awful landscape that Nathaniel had ever seen. Whatever grass had sprung up there in the spring had long since withered and blown away. Since he had left the grassy and pleasant banks of the Jordan, there had been nothing but boulders strewn on rocky soil, punctuated with occasional dried scrubby brush in narrow patches of shade. No trails led through this uninhabited country, which the Most High had seemed to curse. You would think that only the desperate—bandits or other people on the run—would seek shelter in this forsaken land. Yet Nathaniel knew that groups of seekers like the Essenes retired into this country and scrounged a meager living along its wadis and in the shelter of its forbidding cliffs.
Nathaniel too was a seeker, and his quarry today was another seeker who had gone up into this country many days earlier. Now Nathaniel was picking his way along occasional goat tracks that he could see here and there between the rocks. Strangely, he felt no fear of losing his way. It was as if an angel were guiding him at each point where he had to guess which way a seeker of solitude would turn. He picked his way along with confidence. He did feel a fear of demons, though, as if one might spring from the next crack in the dry earth or lurk behind the curve of a rock-strewn hill. But he kept going, impelled by a sense of purpose even stronger than his fear.
He had walked and climbed for many hours through this desolate territory before he came to the place he had been seeking, the place where that disciple of John had gone seeking solitude. He had seen the man by the Jordan, one of many who had come to be baptized by John and then stayed to become his disciples. Nathaniel himself was one of them. At first he had been curious about the wild man who shouted warnings at great and small and feared no man, no matter how powerful. Then he had thought: Perhaps this is the one we are expecting, the Messiah. And John was certainly a great man. There was no doubt of it. But he did not seem to be the one that Nathaniel was seeking. Nathaniel had also carefully observed John’s followers. As a seeker from his youth, he had formed the habit of looking always for other seekers. From studying the scriptures and from personal meditation, he had become increasingly convinced that the Messiah would come soon (most people knew that), and that he—Nathaniel—would recognize him. Further, he was sure that he could play a role in service of the Messiah. After all, God must have given him this gift for a reason. His job then, was to wait and to observe carefully.
That was why he now found himself toiling up and down in this miserable desolate country, looking for the man of about his own age, who he had seen at the Jordan, and who had made him forget John. Nathaniel had left the river early in the morning, so as hopefully to find his man before the full heat of the day. He didn’t know what would happen when he found him, but he was sure he would find him. He trusted to the Holy One of Israel for the rest.
After many hours, rounding a rocky hill, he suddenly saw him. Sitting in front of a depression in a cliff wall—barely a cave—was the Galilean he sought. He was alarmingly thin, and his beard was untrimmed, but it was clearly him. He was sitting quietly and looked up as Nathaniel arrived, as if he had been expecting him. He had the same quiet demeanor but penetrating eyes that Nathaniel remembered. He had always looked as if he could see into your very soul. Nathaniel walked up and greeted him respectfully, and the man invited him to sit. “Sir,” Nathaniel began, “I have seen you among John’s followers at the Jordan.”
“Yes, I remember you,” he said. He waited. How could Nathaniel tell him that God had sent him to bring relief, to let this good man know that his fast could end now?
“Sir,” Nathaniel went on, “I confess that I am shocked to see how wasted you are since I saw you at the river.” He unwrapped a small loaf that he had brought. “Please be willing to accept this unworthy gift of bread from me. I know that you are a servant of the Holy One, and that you have come into this wilderness to fast and pray. But now you have been here many days, and you must be famished and in danger of starvation.”
The man Jesus seemed to retreat into himself for a short time, as he sat in silence. Then he said, “The Spirit has brought me here to fast and pray, and that is what I must do until the Spirit tells me otherwise. But please, take and eat for yourself now, if you are hungry.” He gestured to the cliff that threw a narrow strip of shadow over them and smiled. “My shade is your shade, but you need not make my fast your own.”
Nathaniel felt his face burn with embarrassment. “I will not eat if you do not, and I did not mean to dissuade you from what the Spirit commands,” he protested. “But I believe the Spirit sent me with bread to satisfy your need.”
“Perhaps so,” said the man Jesus. “But it has not been given to me to eat it. As it is written, ‘Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”
Nathaniel nodded thoughtfully. Perhaps this was indeed the man he was seeking. “You came here to find God’s will for you, did you not?”
Jesus nodded.
“And have you found it?”
“Not entirely.”
“Then please allow me to make a suggestion. Perhaps that is why I have been sent here. I know I am just a young man, like you, but for many years I have studied Torah and looked about me. I see many people who have no understanding of Torah and no feeling for the Lord, even doctors of the Law who practically live in the Temple, who teach there and try to lead students. Alas, many of them have no understanding. I think the most ignorant person with a true sense for the Most High may understand the Law better than they do. Of course, I don’t mean all of them, but there are some who do not respect the profession of studying and teaching that they are privileged to practice. But then I see some men who do have such a feeling, even those who have not spent their youth in study, people who seem to be of the same mind as the prophets.”
Jesus nodded. He had seen the same, clearly.
“Sir, I believe that you have this feeling for the Law that I mention. John, too, of course, but John has his own vocation as baptizer and preacher.” Jesus nodded. Nathaniel went on, “Such men could become doctors of the Law. Such men belong in the temple, unlike some of those who teach there day after day. Allow me to suggest that the Most High wants you to teach his ways in the temple. Please hear me out. I can introduce you to my teachers, who have the highest opinion of me—I say this without boasting. It is just the truth. When my teachers see your deep feeling for the scripture, they will be as impressed as I was when I was listening to you explain the scriptures by the Jordan.”
Jesus smiled. “They will be impressed by a poor carpenter from Galilee?”
“I know that you are not of high birth and your speech is not cultivated, but, believe me, you are needed in the temple. If you go there with me, and I introduce you, the angels will certainly prepare your way, and the greatest teachers of the Law will sit at your feet to hear you explain the scripture to them.”
“I would be demanding a miracle to try to teach in the temple, except in the outer court where even people like me can speak to one another. And I do not expect the Most High to arrange a miracle in my honor. No,” he said, “The temple is not where I belong.”
Nathaniel sat back. It was surprising and disappointing that Jesus could not see that he would be a natural in the temple and did not have enough faith in God to believe that He could overcome the obstacles posed by the temple culture. Still, there was the man himself. Nathaniel felt that he could not be mistaken about the nature of this man. “Sir,” he said, “allow me to be blunt. I have spent my whole life looking for holy men of a prophetic nature, and I believe that God has chosen me to find his Messiah and to declare his vocation to him.” He took a deep breath. “Sir,” he said, “That man is you. I believe that you are the chosen one who can lead Israel. I have seen you speaking to men by the Jordan. Even more than John, you set their hearts on fire. You set mine on fire! We long to follow you. You are a born leader of men. They will die for you.
“Hear what I propose. You have said that you are just a carpenter from Galilee, and of course you do not know Jerusalem, or all the political machinations that go on there. But that is where I can help you. I will be at your side. I can guide you through the political mazes, and advise you on the best course to pursue and how to handle the various personages there. You can inspire and lead men. They will willingly join the army of your followers. With me as your guide, you can overthrow that decadent wretch Herod and reestablish a proper Kingdom for us. The Romans do not care who rules here; they believe that it makes no difference to them. But once you are king—well, who knows what glory the Most High has in mind for you? Is Caesar a better man than you?
“Do not be diffident. David did not refuse to go with Samuel, when he was chosen to be the next king of Israel. And remember, I will be always at your side, to guide and instruct you all the way. You will not be alone.”
There. He held his breath while he waited for Jesus to reply. The eyes looked deep into his.
“I am not the one you are looking for. I will be a wandering preacher in Galilee.” It was said with a finality that forbade opposition.
Nathaniel sighed as he rose. He said the polite words of farewell that custom demanded and left the Galilean to his silent prayer or whatever he was doing there, and he started back to the Jordan.
He would have to hurry, but it was mostly downhill, and he could get there before dark fell. Above all, he did not want to be out among the demons of this place in the night. As he walked quickly along, he felt his disappointment very keenly. He had been so sure! It had seemed so clear to him that this man was the Messiah. And yet he had turned out to be a man of no initiative, who could not recognize the opportunity to break a dangerous fast; no faith, who could not trust God to make him a successful teacher in the greatest temple of the world; and no obedience, who was not willing to follow a clear call to serve God as king.
Well, it was a wasted day. And he had been so sure! But there would be more days, and more opportunities to serve the Lord. He hurried back toward the Jordan.